Lou - reason to be missed

I really want to write Lou and Boyd back stories. We'd started to write their first kiss awhile back now-- god, those two were such dorks-- but the fic was never finished.

I've been thinking about Lou on and off lately, though, because I found a song I was obsessed with for him. Leave Out All the Rest by Linkin Park -- I hear this song and it immediately makes me think of his death scene, of a collage of Lou moments, of the thoughts that must have been going through his mind as he stared at Boyd but couldn't reach him, as he died and couldn't help it, as the last view he ever had of his best friend and lover was him screaming and crying and begging on the ground, held down by enemies, struggling, and sprayed in Lou's own blood.

I dreamed I was missing, you were so scared
But no one would listen 'cause no one else cared
After my dreaming, I woke with this fear
What am I leaving when I'm done here?
So if you're asking me, I want you to know

When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
Don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest, leave out all the rest

Don't be afraid
I've taken my beating, I've shared what I made
I'm strong on the surface, not all the way through
I've never been perfect but neither have you
So if you're asking me, I want you to know

When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
Don't resent me, and when you're feeling empty, keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest, leave out all the rest

Forgetting all the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well
Pretending someone else can come and save me from myself
I can't be who you are


So, since I'm on the subject, RANDOM LOU ENTRY. Someone (was it you, whynotmi?) had mentioned in a comment that they like to hear more about the writing process so here's some (interesting?) background.

Lou's a bit of a weird case because he's actually Sonny's character. Sonny created him and played him at Neulan/District9, the old RPG where I first created and played Boyd. The dynamics of Lou and Boyd's relationship there were somewhat similar, in that they were good friends who eventually had an attraction for each other, but it was a lot different because they had more than just each other. And I'm not sure they would've ended up together in the end.

When we first started writing Lou back stories, Sonny wrote Lou. But then came The Birthday. That whole period of time was some of the most fun, most efficient writing we've ever done. It was out of control. We were multi-tasking like mad. We were roleplaying Lou's death scene while Sonny wrote Sin's narration in The Birthday while I wrote all the background Boyd videos-- the beach, the kitchen scene, etc.

The original Lou death scene was pretty short, though, and when I was looking it over again I thought it needed more. (Of course I did, I'm Little Miss Description XD). So I went through and added all those details -- the blood, the expressions, etc. I guess I just wanted it to show why it would be so gut-wrenching for Boyd, why this was what pushed him far over the edge, why he shut down so completely. The original scene didn't get that visceral reaction and I was concerned that Boyd would seem lame or over-dramatic.

So now, Lou's one of the characters we share. I wrote Lou in the background videos but Sonny wrote Lou in his death scene. Sonny writes Lou in most of the back stories we're writing but I write him occasionally when I have an idea for a story and want Lou in it but don't foresee us sitting down to rp it out any time soon.

But, I don't know. I still don't really feel comfortable with him because he isn't mine, he wasn't my idea. I love the little rascal but I feel like I can't write him correctly?

This is a good reason why, should we ever have a problem where one of us drops off the face of the Earth, the story would likely not be finished. We share a lot of the ideas/etc and to an extent the characters, but there are some who are very much Sonny's or Ais's. I couldn't write Sin properly for more than a line here or there anymore than I think Sonny would feel comfortable writing Boyd.

Some day I'll have to write out some of the stories in my head...

Uh, anyway. So the whole thing I was trying to say is 1) I think that's a perfect Lou song but I don't know if Sonny would agree because I feel like I don't know for sure if I totally grasp Lou, and 2) I really like the idea of "leave out all the rest"-- of finding something to remember a person by.

I feel like by the end of Book One, not only does Boyd find some closure, but maybe Lou's spirit could too. Like Boyd was finally able to hear what Lou had wanted all along, like after all the struggle and the stupid little things Lou had done in his life and the things that became monumental horrors, all that time I think he was trying to figure out who he was and he acted tougher than he was, stronger than he was, the fear of just disappearing like his parents had, of not being remembered by someone, all those times he was there for Boyd--

There was something left behind, something more than the fear. Something that was just beautiful or good; memories that could make a person smile and not cry.

Reasons to be missed.